Monster
by Kierseth
Summary: Overrated for allusion. A onesided conversation, full of past pain. Warning: Possible sensitive subject.


Monster  
  
By Kierseth  
  
Disclaimer: Anything of Valdemar does NOT belong to me. That honor would go to Mercedes Lackey.  
  
AN: This was inspired by a little snippet of story by etcetera-cat that I came across in the "Chronicles of Valdemar" RPG, and a song by Sarah McLachlan called "Answer". I own neither of them and thank them both for the inspiration.  
  
Warning: This fic contains possible sensitive subject matter. Be advised. Hope that's better Xellas. Sorry for upseting you.   
  
:-:  
  
They had finally left. After hours of explaining and coaxing failed, they gave up and left. I was alone with my thoughts.   
  
The fresh sheets under my body felt too hot and I shifted restlessly. The sun shone bright through the western facing window, gilding the walls. The sun could not brighten the mood, though. Nothing was going to be the same. After everything you had put me through, it was all going to be different from now on.   
  
A twinge and I felt my face contort in a wince. Everything seemed distant now. Detached. I could have used some of that distance moons ago, when this all started.   
  
Why did he pick me? I was nothing, a simple traveller. That is probably why it was me. No one to get angry, no one to fear retribution from. An easy target. A few muffled screams as he dragged me off, a whimper or two while the deed was preformed, a blow to the head to finish it off.   
  
And the monster left me, lying broken in the bushes, with more than the scrapes and bruises and blood that he had anticipated.   
  
He left me with you.  
  
Do you know what you do to me? The horror that I had to endure, to be left with such a reminder? I know that it is not your fault, that it was not you who did this to me, but that does not stop me from blaming you. You are the embodiment of what that monster did.   
  
Do you know how I hate you?  
  
Such hate that cannot be directed to him has been diverted to you. After I awoke, I dragged my broken body back to the village. Do you know how I was ridiculed? How they blamed _me_ for what had happened? A harlot, they called me, a whore. I brought it on myself. It was not my fault my mother was of loose morals. I did not follow her mold in that way. Her face and body, I did. Which was why they taunted me. Whore begets a whore. A tease, who deserved what she got.  
  
I left, with the little clothes I had and headed here. I knew soon after I left that you were there. How could I not? A little bit of the monster, left to plague me.  
  
I wanted you gone. I came here for help. The months passed as I made my way here. For a while I was safe. The inns were glad for a little bit of help, especially around Midsummer. What did I care the bed I was given was in the kitchen, on a bit of straw? I saved the sovereigns they gave me. I knew I would need them. The closer I got to Haven, the more the curse was evident. The villages and towns I passed were no kinder after the truth was shown. So I lied.   
  
I lied.  
  
I was traveling to meet relatives in Haven. I had an aunt there. My betrothed was waiting for me there. Anything to divert their attention. For the most part it worked. I still got the looks, the whispers from behind shielding hands. But the stones, the rocks hurled to drive me away. Those were left behind.  
  
So I made it here. I pleaded with the gate guards to allow me entrance. I used the same tricks as before. My beloved awaits me. My uncle sent for me to come. This time it didn't work. I was about to give up when Imatra passed by, clothed in gentle green. She took one penetrating look at me and brought me here.   
  
I must have looked a fright. Every time I tried to sleep, you would be there, taunting me with your presence. Little sleep did I get, those days before I reached Haven. Imatra knew I needed help, and help I would get if she had any say.  
  
She placed me here, in this bright room, and fed me nourishing broth. She never pressed, and Goddess knows I would never tell her what had passed. I finally slept. You could not deny me that. Not after all we had been through.  
  
Do you know how you pained me, clawing and tearing at my insides? Do you know?  
  
I awoke, to pain and horror. Imatra was there, telling me to calm, that she and her fellow Healers would do everything they could. To help me.  
  
They tried. They tried their hardest, with every tea, and unguent and all the power of their Healing hands.   
  
It was useless. By the end, I was alone.  
  
Left here, alone, in the endless silence.   
  
As the sun crept toward the horizon, the door opened silently and a Trainee in pale spring green crept in with a pitcher of water and a glass. I kept still, and he thought me asleep. He placed the tray on the bedside table and stared at me for a moment. After he left, I took the glass and drank deep. The water cooled my scratchy throat, but it couldn't quench _that_ fire.  
  
Nothing can stop that.   
  
My dreams and hopes have come to fruition. You are finally gone. I am free.  
  
Despite all I thought, despite everything that had happened.  
  
But one thing I did not count on.  
  
I miss you.   
  
I placed my hand over my now-empty womb and wept.  
  
:-:  
  
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